A Spectacular Surprise.

Written by Bailee (Ben's older sister):

I was browsing Instagram one day in August when I saw really cheap flights to Ohio listed by someone I follow. My husband Kyle and I really wanted to visit Mom and Ben, and these tickets seemed like the perfect opportunity.

I was thrilled when we booked the tickets for a weekend in September! I miss my mom and brother, and I couldn't wait to see where they live and spend time with them. We also have a one-year-old son named Oliver (who is the only grand baby on this side of the family). I couldn't wait to take Ollie to visit his Grandma and Uncle Ben!

After purchasing our plane tickets, Kyle and I decided to keep the whole thing a secret! We weren't going to tell Mom or Ben about our trip until we knocked on their door... and we almost went crazy with the anticipation for our surprise! We had to pull a few strings to keep things a secret; but on September 7th we packed our bags, loaded our son Oliver into the car... and went on our way!

We left Salt Lake City at six in the morning and had a layover in Chicago before landing in Cleveland. After landing in Cleveland, we hired a Lyft driver to take us from the airport to their apartment about twenty five minutes away.

Coming up the elevator in my mom's apartment complex, I was giddy with the nerves! I had never planned such a big surprise before in my life, and we couldn't wait to see Mom and Ben and their reactions!

When Mom answered the door, she was in complete shock!! I don't think I'll ever forget her reaction to seeing our faces in her doorway. Ben was surprised too! Oliver went right to Grandma's arms, calling for Ben as Ben came down the hallway to greet us. Tears were shed, hugs were given, and our adventures for the weekend in Ohio had begun!

Mom and Ben started mapping out things for us to do during our stay... although we would have been happy just to sit and visit with them all weekend long! Seeing our family was definitely the highlight of the trip!!

After we all exchanged hellos and got our luggage inside, Ben and Mom decided to take us to one of their favorite nearby Metroparks. As we drove through the green rolling hills toward our destination, I was captivated by the lush trees and white farmhouses that surrounded the area. I could already tell I was going to love our stay here.

The Greater Cleveland area has a series of these large nature preserves and reservations for people to enjoy, and the few we visited were just beautiful! The Metropark that Ben and Mom first took us to was called Squires Castle Metropark, and the views of the old 1890's castle on the grounds did not disappoint.

On our way home from Squires Castle we went out to dinner and visited the local grocery store. One of my favorite parts during our trip was familiarizing myself with the places Mom and Ben visit regularly. I enjoyed listening to my mom explain where she goes for milk, the mail, gasoline, or even a late-night treat. Now when she tells me about her errands over the phone, I can picture exactly where she's going!

We went to sleep early on Friday night so we'd be ready for the rest of the weekend! We had a perfect introduction to the Cleveland Ohio area... and we couldn't wait to enjoy the rest of our trip with our family!

On Saturday, Benjamin woke up with a cold and Kyle woke up with a fever! What crummy luck! Everyone remained in good spirits though. Kyle decided to tarry on despite his symptoms (because who wants to spend money and fly somewhere just to stay in bed?), but Ben decided that it would be better for his overall health if he rested at home and cared for his cold.

We were sad to leave Ben behind, but both Mom and Ben wanted us to see a few things while we were in town. We made sure to come back to Mom's house for plenty of breaks to check-up on Ben (and allow Ollie to nap).

As a result of his fever, Kyle had a late start on Friday... so Mom and I laid Oliver down for his nap while Kyle got ready and went shopping at a nearby boutique. I was sad that the boys were sick, but it was nice spending a little one-on-one time with my Mom! We also visited the local Target, filled up the van's tires with air, and picked up lunch at a Steak n' Shake on the way back to Mom's home.

When Kyle felt ready for the day, we made two major tourist stops on Saturday. The first place we visited was The Garfield Mansion in Mentor, Ohio. The Garfield Mansion is a national park where President Garfield's house is located, just twenty minutes away from my Mom's apartment. Oliver had a hard time being held during the tour, but the rest of us enjoyed listening to the history and viewing parts of the historic home!

After our tour of the mansion we drove into Kirtland (neighboring town to Mentor) and visited the Kirtland Historic Site for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Ben and Mom had already visited the Historic Site, but wanted us to see it as well. Aside from seeing my family, being in Kirtland was the best part of our trip. The spirit in Kirtland is so strong and I loved learning about the history of The Church there. Mom has been feeding dinner to some of the missionaries in the area, and we were just lucky enough to have two of these sister missionaries give us our tour of the site. The missionaries bore powerful testimonies. It was a beautiful evening!

After our time at the historic site, we ordered dinner to-go from Panera so we could eat at home with Ben. When dinner was done, it was another early night for everyone! We wanted Ben and Kyle to get as much rest as possible so they could recover quickly!

On Sunday we went to church with my Mom. Ben was too sick to attend church, so he spent another day at the apartment. Kyle, Ollie and I enjoyed going to sacrament meeting in the Kirtland Ward with my mom. We saw the sister missionaries who gave us our tour from the night before, and we met a handful of other wonderful members during the meeting. I'm so glad to see there are good people in the ward to befriend and watch over my family.

After church Oliver had a nap and we visited with Ben for a while. Then we went back to Kirtland to see the temple. The temple was lovely, and the history of the building was fascinating. It rained pretty hard during the tour, but we still managed to take a few pictures. When our temple tour was finished, we went back home for the remainder of the day. 

Monday was our busiest day, and Ben was finally feeling well-enough to join us in our adventures! On Monday morning we visited a few places without Ben, because Ben had to stay at home for his weekly visit with the home-health nurse. While Ben was having his checkup, the rest of us drove downtown for a while.

Before our first stop in the downtown Cleveland area, Mom decided to drive us past The Cleveland Clinic where Ben will eventually receive his transplant. The hospital grounds were huge, and I almost felt like The Cleveland Clinic was it's own mini city. We didn't go inside any of the hospital buildings that day, but I remember Mom pointing out the building where Ben will have his surgery.

It was oddly comforting to finally see the place that my family has talked so much about for the last several months. Just driving past the building - with it's curved architecture and hundreds of tiny reflective windows - made me remember how real the entire situation is. Ben's medical condition feels real every day, but the actual transplant has been an idea for so long that it's hard to believe it as a reality sometimes.

I thought about the hundreds of patients that were currently staying inside that building, and wondered when Ben will get the phone call to join them for his transplant. It's a confusing and crazy time right now, but when I saw the building... it all felt right.

After our drive-by tour of The Clinic, it was time for more touristy stops! We first stopped at The Cleveland Theatre District to see The Biggest Outdoor Chandelier in the world. The chandelier was impressive, hanging in the middle of an intersection surrounded by a street full of theatres.

The rest of the day included a few other little stops downtown. We saw The Arcade (the first indoor shopping center in America), and a drive past The Largest Stamp in the World (a statue located at one of the parks).

When Benjamin was finished meeting with the nurse we drove back to the apartment to get him. After a short rest at the apartment (including lunch and another nap for Ollie) we all departed once more to sight-see in Ohio. We finally had the entire group traveling together this time, and we saw some stunning sites on our last day out! We saw Lake Eerie, The Cleveland sign at the harbor, the West Side Market, and finished up with ice cream at a place called Mitchell's (homemade and DELICIOUS).

Our flight was scheduled for seven thirty that evening. When ice cream was done, we realized that we had a little extra time before Kyle, Ollie and I had to check in. We all decided to visit one more Metropark before driving to the airport.

Edgewater Park is another host to one of the tourist Cleveland Signs, and the sandy coast and green hills that make up the park were simply gorgeous. It felt nice to have a few moments away from the bustling city before saying our goodbyes. We walked along the trail that overlooked the lake, took pictures of the city skyline in the distance, and enjoyed each other's company as the waves clashed into the rocks below.

Being dropped off at the airport was bitter sweet. I started missing my family even before we reached our gate! I'm grateful for phone calls and video calls that make it possible for us to communicate with Mom and Ben, but we miss seeing them regularly. It was a blessing to spend the weekend with them. Once Benjamin receives his transplant, Ollie won't be allowed to see Ben for a while (because Ben will be in poor health and kids carry too many germs), so I'm glad we were able to visit Ohio before Ben has the surgery.

People in Utah always ask me how Ben and Mom are doing. Now that I've actually seen them in Ohio, I feel more informed and can honestly say they're handling it well over there. It may not be the same as home in Utah... but I truly feel like both Ben and Mom are making the best out of this crazy situation. Their home is warm and welcoming, their neighborhood is fun, their ward is amazing, and their motivation to help Ben get better is strong.

Our trip to Ohio was wonderful, and being there - even at the cause of such a trying situation - has reminded me that there is so much I am grateful for.

I am grateful for fast planes, quick travels, taxi services and free carry-ons. I am grateful for lush green foliage, rolling hills, misty rain and chalky skies. I am grateful for new friends, sweet missionaries, ministering angels, and The Church of Jesus Christ. I am grateful for smart doctors, medical mini-cities, willing donors and weekly home appointments.  I am grateful for late-night laughter, constant chatter, baby giggles and grandma snuggles. I am grateful for cheap flights, drawn-out plans, safe-kept secrets and a spectacular surprise.

Thanks for the awesome vacation, Mom and Ben! We can't wait to visit again.

The Last Six Weeks

Written by Nikki:

Ben and I have now been here in Ohio for almost 8 weeks.  We still wait patiently for transplant.  I have to continually remind myself that it will happen when the time is right.  I admit to having an inner struggle with myself between enjoying my time here with my son, and wishing the transplant would happen soon, so that I can return home to Utah and get back to the rest of my family there.  With this inner struggle comes the realization that either way my family will not be all together again for quite some time. Even when I do get to return home, Ben has to stay here for at least a year.  It's a hard reality to deal with sometimes.  

School started in Utah last week and I had a sad moment.  I love my job, and usually when the summer comes to an end I am sad to see it go.  This year, not being there to go back to school and see all the students and co workers I've grown to know so well gave me a serious feeling of missing out.  Crazy I know! Who is sad to miss out on going back to school?!

Ben and I have had some fun experiences.  I am getting to know people in the ward here and making friends.  Ben is getting involved in the Singles Branch. A few weeks ago some sisters from the ward invited me to lunch and that was really fun! I really enjoyed getting out and getting to know some of the sisters here better.  Ben and I also received an invitation to have dinner at the home of the Bishop.  Bishop Moss and his wife are very friendly and kind.  The sister missionaries joined us and that was a fun night.  While we were at the bishops house I saw a picture of their family on the wall and we discovered that Bailee knows their Son and daughter in law.  It really is a small world. 

One of the highlights of our weeks here is our friendship with the full time missionaries.  We have started feeding the Elders and the Sisters on a regular basis.  It is such a blessing for us to spend time with them.  We enjoy the spirit they bring and the friendships we are developing.  It's a nice change of pace to have conversations with someone other than each other two nights a week. I forget to get a picture every time we are with them. I will remember this week! :-)  We have made friends with two different sets of Sisters and one set of Elders. It's so different here because this ward has 3 sets of full time missionaries they provide meals for.  This gives the members of the ward plenty of opportunity to serve the missionaries.  The missionaries are also in church every Sunday so you really develop friendships and get to know them. Hopefully we can find ways to assist them in their work here. 

We are trying to stay busy.  It can be a challenge sometimes.  The amount of adventures we get out on depends on Benjamin's day to day health.  Some days he feels up to a short trip somewhere and some days he doesn't have the energy for it.  So we enjoy Netflix a lot on those days. 

Here is a list of the little things that we get excited about:

   *  Dinner with the missionaries

   *  Outings to the grocery store

   *  Packages from home

   *  Mail from home

   *  Merlin on Netflix

   *  Sherlock on Netflilx

   *  Movies on Vudu

   *  Mini adventures out

   *  Puzzles

   *  Naps

   *  The Xfinity app
   *  Marco Polo with family and friends
   *  FaceTime

Here are some of the things we have been up to:

We took a little outing the the Quarry for the Kirtland Temple.  It was a beautiful spot with many trails to explore.

 You can see the marks from the hand drills or chisels in the rock.

I absolutely loved this meandering path through the trees.  Everything is so green here. 

One of Ben's go to treats when he's feeling good is Munchos.  These are delicious and hard to find in Utah but seem to be almost everywhere here in Ohio. 

Being here in Ohio I am really missing the harvest of my garden at home.  I love fresh tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini, summer squash, peppers and cantaloupe. Fresh garden vegetables are one of my favorite things about summer.  Luckily we have found a few Farmers Markets around the area.  It's not quite as good as going out to your own garden but it's nice to have access to fresh fruit and vegetables.  One of my favorite buys from the Farmers market has been the fresh peaches!  They are delicious!  The cantaloupe here isn't as sweet as at home, no matter where I buy it, it's just not as sweet.  This has dumbfounded me.  Benjamin of course googled it and told me he read that Cantaloupe grown in a dryer climate is typically more sweet.  Who knew? 

 Here is the view from our apartment.  View number one is from the parking lot looking away from my building.  The building I live in looks just like the building on the right.  The stormy sky... this seems to be how the sky looks a lot of the time.  

 The next two are the view from our balcony. 

Ben and I finally made a visit the Historic Site in Kirtland.  It was nothing short of Amazing!!  

Here we are at the Newell K. Whitney store.  The school of the prophets is on the second floor of this building.  It was amazing to learn that Joseph Smith received revelations for over 40 sections of the Doctrine and Covenants in this building and in the Newell K. Whitney home. (pictured below the store) The original desks he studied at are still here. 

The Saw Mill.

 The Ashery 

Ben and I have driven to Lake Erie a few times.  There are many parks along the banks of the lake that are nearby (withing 15-20 minutes) So we have been visiting some of these parks. 

The Bishops wife loaned me a puzzle and it was actually something I quite enjoyed.  My brother Jimmy White and his family sent me a puzzle too, it looks harder!  But I am going to tackle it.  This puzzle was 1000 pieces.  I tried to get Ben to help me but alas I did this one on my own. 

Thank you for all the prayers and support offered to Ben and I, and to our family in Utah.  It's funny how life happens sometimes.  A year ago I would never have thought I would find myself in this place doing what I'm doing.  I remind myself, I know Heavenly Father has a plan and we are where we need to be.  So for now we continue to carry on, and find joy in our journey here in Ohio. 

Friends, Strangers, and Everything in Between

Written By: Ben

To start I apologize that it has been a few weeks since I have posted/written anything. So to recap on the recent events. Over the last two weeks I have been able to get out some and see things, but sadly I have spent probably nine days out of the two weeks being quite ill. My health has been really quite a rough adjustment since we have been here in Ohio, but luckily it seems to be leveling out some. Now to some of the actual events of the last little bit. Just over a week ago I had the opportunity to get out and see downtown Cleveland, and spend some time with a new found friend from the Singles Branch out here. We had a great time and it was good for him and I to get out and have some "bro" time. I had a few doc appointments, in which we discussed my health and determined just to keep things status quo until organs arrive. 

Mom and I still try and get out and see things a few times a week, and these last two weeks those things have been: Lake Erie in several locations, farmers markets, parks, historical sights, and the usual places like the grocery store. I will go into more detail about this last Saturdays adventures. I had the opportunity to go out and do some work with the Elders in the area, but sadly all of the appointments fell through, and we got yelled at by a grumpy older lady... Lets just say it brought back some funny and suppressed memories from the mission. They felt bad I am sure, so they invited me to go with them to a party for a member of the family ward. I figured why not, and we went to the party. It ended up being a birthday party for a lady who had turned 100! She was awesome, she decided that for her big 100 she wanted to fly in a helicopter since she had never done so. Not only that, but she was also presented with a key to the city, and yes it is an actual key. So that was really cool, and it was nice to meet some people that go to my Mothers ward and who live in the area. 

After the party, I went and parked in the parking lot of the Kirtland Historic sights, and just thought for a few moments, and realized that mom and I should check them out. So I called her, ran home, replaced fluids, and then we went to the historic sights. I should probably clarify, when I say historic sights in this instance, I am referring to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Historic Sights in and around Kirtland, Ohio. Sister missionaries serve missions here and give tours and greet tourists/guests. It is a really beautiful place, and there is an amazing spirit there as well. Mom and I arrived around 6 pm and were greeted by a senior missionary who asked as a few questions and invited us to was to watch the little 20 min introductory video they have before you take a tour. We got there just after a video had started in the main theater, so they placed us in a secondary upstairs theater that is used when there are a lot of people. After the video a companionship of sisters came in and took us around the sites. We had some really great spiritual experiences with these awesome sisters and it turns out we live inside their proselyting area, so we will hopefully be spending more time with them in the future. That in a nut shell pretty much sums up the events of the last little while.

Now on to the part where I do my best to be honest and open with my feelings and spiritual impressions of late. So I hope I never offend anyone or cause people to think ill of myself or others, that is never my intention and if it ever does happen I apologize. I am not very skilled at expressing myself at times and I hope I can put things into perspective without sounding ridiculous or overly dramatic. To be frank, I have been extremely blessed as of late. Even though my health has been poor at times, it could always be worse, and there is always something to be grateful for every single day. On that note I would like to thank everyone who has supported my family through all of this. They are indeed one of my greatest treasures and blessings, and each time you watch over them, care for them, or pray for them, you truly bring great peace to me during these semi troublesome times. I have been so blessed and fortunate to know great people, this week I was reminded of my old coworkers. They are some of the nicest and most caring people I have met. A few in particular I will talk about, without mentioning their names though. One of these coworkers is a man I look up to quite extensively, he is caring and thoughtful of others, even if he does not openly express it at times. He and I do not share the same religious beliefs per-say, but he has never judged me for mine, and has always made me feel included and part of the group. He took me in under his wing so to speak when I first started working at the college (Salt Lake Community College) and made sure I was being efficient as a teacher and helper, yet also making sure I was looked after and my needs were met. I cannot explain how grateful I am for him. He continually checks on me even today; even though I am now more than 1500 miles away, he still makes sure I am doing okay. It is truly amazing the bond you can form with seemingly unexpected individuals that will change your life forever.

I could truly talk forever about many of my old coworkers from multiple jobs or even other scenarios of my life, but it would take ages, and probably bore many of you, so I will resist. I do wish to discuss two more though. These two girls, when I first met them seemed completely different yet the best of friends. They accepted me so willingly the both of them, and truly treated me as an equal (even though they are both geniuses). One is kind of in your face, tell you how it is type personality while the other is quiet and timid. Both are beautiful and so compassionate to the people they help in school and with life in general. To tell the truth they both kind of scared me when I first met them, but both in their own ways quickly made me feel accepted, and even loved. Again I could go on about these two for a very long time, and I have only scratched the service on how amazing they truly are.

I wish I could tell you all more, and I am sure I will over time, but for now I am going to continue on with something that has been on my mind a lot, and ties in with what I shared above.

Don't be afraid to talk and honestly interact with people.
Strangers may often be friends we have yet to learn to love. Indeed they can be friends we have just not had the opportunity to interact with.

This is what I will touch on and wrap up with.  The three people I mentioned and truthfully all the people I grew to love; not just at the college job either, but every job I have had, or any group I have been a part of have come into my life simply by either me engaging and interacting with them or them interacting and engaging with me. You will never know the lives you touch by simply smiling and getting to know people. I have had the opportunity to speak with people from all over the world and from all walks of life. I have gotten to know some of the following people just by talking to seemingly normal strangers or people I ran into in different scenarios and places: A man who helps design and build NCAA basketball stadiums, pilots, rocket scientists, actors, war heroes, athletes, musicians, artists, big business owners, race car drivers, church leaders, and many seemingly normal people with incredible stories and amazing lives. I once fell asleep on the arm of a poor guy who ended up being a super cool Air Marshall. I felt like an idiot, but ended up getting to know an awesome guy with an amazing life. This really only names a select few of the amazing people I have come to know. People say that my dad and I have this sort of luck that we always get to do amazing things or meet amazing people. When truthfully we just talk to people, be kind, be gentleman, and do our best to be polite and courteous. Now this might be a bit of a side note, but we are definitely not always like that, we have bad days, are grumpy, and sometimes just don't want to talk to people, but in general we try and do our best. One of the amazing things is, is that is enough!!! In fact many times simply trying is more than sufficient.

I cannot express how many amazing things I have been able to do just by talking with people and putting yourself out there. Now like I mentioned I am still very much learning how to do this, and I can be absolutely terrible at it at times, but I am learning and always trying to be better at it. My family always says: "You can never have too many friends in this world". I am a big believer in this. The funny thing is, many of us let opportunities pass us by in the form of people we could/should have talked to or things we could/should have done. I know it can be really hard, and believe me I struggle with it often, but I promise it will pay off. Even and especially the three people I mentioned above who could have simply kept on with their lives, and probably been just as good without knowing me but have truly helped me and inspired me to be a better man, and I hope in some tiny way I have helped them as well. Now of course their are always exceptions and caveats to just about everything, but I will not focus on those in this post, or probably any other. Again I stress the blessing these people have been in my life; along with all the others who have taken the chance to get to know me even just a little. In my opinion, half (or maybe even more than half) of the reason we are even here on this earth is to impact others lives and let them impact ours, whether through subtle often unrecognized ways or large earth shattering events. The people I have met and gotten to know are and will probably continue to be some of the most worthwhile (so to speak) blessings in my life. I hope to keep getting better at interacting with others, because lets be honest, at times I have the social grace of a dead fish, but hey we all gotta learn somehow right? To finish this thought off, I have been profoundly blessed by many of you who are reading this, and many who may never. Whether you are reading this or not, I will never be able to thank you enough for your thoughts, prayers, hopes, and love that I have experienced by getting to know you, or by hopefully getting to know you in the future.

Anyways I apologize for the extremely lengthy post (or at least it feels lengthy), but it has been nice to write about recent events, and some of my feelings as of late. I will probably write again soon, at least that is what I hope to do. Well thanks for reading, hopefully it didn't sound too ridiculous or anything. I hope it helps in some way, and more than by just letting me ramble on for a while. Anywho take care and I will write again soon.

Love, Ben  

Hospitals, Help, and Goodbyes.

Written By: Ben

I never really know how to start these posts off if I am being honest, I mean should I address it like a letter or just simply jump straight in. I am new to this whole concept, but I have loved it so far and hope to continue to do it for some time. I hope to post about once every week, but it will probably vary a few days dew to occurrences here. I have found a lot of joy, peace, and hope in writing down some of my thoughts and feelings of what is going on and all of our adventures. I truly hope that what I write can be of benefit to others, no matter their situation or standing in life. I truly believe half the reason that we have such drastic or amazing experiences in this life is so other people can learn and grow from them as well.

Recap time! I have now been in Ohio for two weeks and some change, and boy has it been a crazy and fun adventure to this point. Out of the 18 total days I have been here, I have been in the hospital for half of them. We arrived in the afternoon on the 12th of July at the house that my mother mentioned in her last post; we quickly got semi settled and went to sleep. The next day I had several tests and doctor appointments to attend, but I was not feeling very good. We arrived at the appointments, and with some deliberating by the doctors I was told that I would be admitted for observation till some of my blood levels normalized, and so they could adjust my TPN (Total Parental Nutrition/IV Nutrition). I was not very thrilled about this to be honest, and as we waited in the ED to be admitted I was feeling less and less excited about this Cleveland "Adventure". After quite a long time of waiting and my health progressively getting worse I was finally admitted and taken to a room. When we arrived a fear of mine was realized... It was going to be a shared room. Now I am a pretty open guy, but I like my space and I like my alone time, and in this scenario both of those were not happening. I had the sinking feeling that this was going to be a whole different challenge than I was used to.

I had two different roomies during this first stay in the hospital (yes there is more than one), and both of which were more elderly gentlemen with varying complexities. I had the first roomie for only twenty four hours, and the second I would have for the remainder of my stay.  After the first night and my first roomie left, the doctors arrived to tell me the news. Lets just say that it was NOT at all what I wanted to hear. They were worried that my port line in my chest had become infected because of an elevated WBC (white blood count) and that my overall health was at risk because of an imbalance of electrolytes and other micro-nutrients. So I was told that I would be in the hospital for the entire weekend and would hopefully be released sometime early the next week. It was difficult for a few quick moments, but I figured that I was there for a reason and would do what I could to make the best out of it. Of course for those of you who have ever been in the hospital for longer than 24 hours know that in this place of "rest and recuperation" there is some recuperation, but it does not involve any kind of decent rest. Vitals need to be checked at regular intervals even throughout the night, blood sugars tested several times a day, blood labs drawn every morning, nurse checks every several hours, and that is just to name a few of the inhibitors to ones ability to rest or sleep in a hospital.

As days ticked by I kept hoping that when the next morning came they would be telling me that my blood levels were at least normal enough to go home and continue treatment there. Day after day clicked by and before I knew it, I had been in the hospital for a week! Now I have been in the hospital before for much longer periods of time, but this was the first, just simply being in observation for blood levels. Hopefully I can explain; when you are having imbalances with your micro-nutrients you feel kind of sick, but nothing that would cause more detriment than what I was already experiencing with all of my other health difficulties. So in my mind it felt like a healthy person being constrained to a hospital for very little to no reason. Now of course there was reason and I know that, but that was how it felt. After a total of eight days in the hospital I was finally allowed to come home. A quick few comments before I get to that point though...

While I was in the hospital my parents were able to find an apartment, get furniture, get things (mostly) unpacked, visit me daily, go to church, and do so many other things. My parents truly are freaking super heroes. Now my roomie, this older man in his mid sixties was in pretty bad shape. He would run fevers, couldn't evacuate his bowels, became confused, became angry, and was having many other difficulties. His sweet wife would sit with him everyday for probably eight hours a day. One day the man was quite confused and was getting very upset and angry with anyone in the room, even his wife who was just so sweet and trying to help in any way she could. The reason he was so angry you ask? Well the confusion made it so he wasn't in his right mind and thinking like he normally would; due to this he was screaming and yelling at people for stopping him from doing the things that he wanted. Now all of these things were not normal, like going to the bathroom in locations where you should not, putting things in strange places, being overly aggressive or even a tad rough with people, and speaking in the language and volume he wished. Of course my strange and odd brain was thinking: " With all his crazy shenanigans and such when people are around, what is he going to do when I am the only one here... Do I need like a small bat or something to be able to protect myself?" Of course this is ridiculous because he was old and decrepit because of his health, and lets be honest my young unhealthy self could take down this old guy any day!! About a day later they were able to start making some headway with the older man, and he stopped being severely confused and would only have minor bouts of it from time to time, like forgetting his name, birthday, or where he was. Anyways his sweet wife endured all of this with him, all the while still being loving and patient, even throughout his berating, screaming, and horrible treatment of her. I do want to emphasize again that the man was not in his right mind, and was normally not like this, he was a cranky old geezer, but nothing like that when he was not confused. I saw a glimpse though of what a love can be for people in their darkest moments, and yes I see this with my family often, but it is different when you are not involved and are watching as a third party. She showed true courage, love, and compassion.

This post is getting long, so I will finish my recap, add some of my thoughts and be done.

After I left the hospital we drove my dad straight to the airport so he could catch his flight back home. I brought this up in my last post, but my dad and I are as close as can be, and I had been dreading this since our arrival in Ohio. I wanted to make it short, because when you drag out goodbyes for too long they just become so much more difficult. We pulled up to the drop-off curb and I watch my parents say their goodbyes. My mom is balling of course and to be honest she had every right to; she was about to be alone, across the country with her sick son. I cannot describe the twinge of pain and sorrow I felt watching my parents say goodbye, even if it was only for a time. This emotion being more potent because even though people say it is not, I knew that truly it was because of me that they had to be apart. I marvel at the sacrifices that have been made on my behalf, and I learn everyday of more and more people giving up so much for me and my families sake. On this note I wish to bring up a weakness of mine, and what my thoughts have been on lately. It is that I can be very prideful at times in regards to asking and receiving help from others. Although I brought this up at this point in the post, I will not comment more fully on it till later. After my sweet parents shared a tender kiss, my dad almost painfully got out of the van and went to retrieve his luggage from the back. I got out of the car so I could move seats in an attempt to help my mom navigate, and I used this opportunity to say my goodbyes. I waited for dad to remove his bag and close the van, all the time knowing it would be too long till I would see him again. Now my dad has a lot of emotion, but doesn't express it often, I on the other hand take after my mom and am a total baby. We make eye contact and have one of those moments you hear about in movies, when you can know almost the persons whole heart by simply looking at them. The eyes truly are a gateway to the soul. As I go to give him a hug I see those few tears start to fall down my fathers face, and it nearly breaks my heart. I hug him as we exchange a few small words of advice, and before I realize it I am getting back into the car, telling my dad I love him, and watching him walk away into the airport doors. It was indeed one of the hardest goodbyes of my life.

After what felt like an extremely long ride to the apartment, my mom showed me around and I got settled in the best I could. We went shopping, saw a castle and got everything set up for the next little while. We would go in for a check-up appointment a few days later, and I would be put in the hospital again! Luckily this time it would only be for a short 24 hour period. Which although being short still took a heavy toll on me. That truly sums up my last two weeks, mixed with naps, TV, and a few other minor things.

Now back to the point I brought up earlier of asking and receiving help. I wanted to bring this up because of all the aid and assistance my family has gotten on both sides of the veil. So this will be a tad more on the emotional/spiritual side. To start off, one of the comments my dad told me as we were saying goodbye is that I am the priesthood holder now. If I am being honest I felt unworthy and overall extremely unprepared for that task. I had done it before in my life when it came to missions, or when my dad would be gone for long stretches at work or on business, but never had I felt so alone in that sense. I knew that I would have to step up my game, and be the man I truly needed to be, and not just for mine own sake, but for my mom and possibly many others. I truthfully am still so so far away from being any good at it, I am learning everyday, and one of the ways I learned, and one of the hardest things for most of us men to learn is how to ask for help. In this case I was asking my Heavenly Father for the help and strength I needed to be the man of the household and be the priesthood man and leader I needed to be for all those around me, including and especially myself. We ask Our all knowing Heavenly Father for things a lot, for help, strength, guidance, blessing of junk food for nourishment and strength, and many other reasons as well.  In essence I feel like I need to get this point across: a true aspect of strength is knowing ones limits, being willing to push them, and if necessary have the humility to not only ask for help, but seek it out diligently. As I asked for help from my Heavenly Father with this task and many others I have found that strength often comes when I come to the realization that I need help and cannot do it myself. Sometimes, not always but sometimes, even just that simple realization of imperfectness and a need for help will give us the strength necessary.

Words cannot express how grateful I am to all of you who have offered love and support to me and my family. It has done more for me than you will ever know. We are all trying to be better at accepting help from all those around us on both sides of the veil. We fail at times, but as long as there is improvement, than that is more than enough. I feel your love, prayers, and thoughts constantly and I will continue to be forever grateful for them as long as I live. Thank you for enduring through that post... It was a tad long because of the extra week I had to catch up on. As mentioned earlier I hope to write about once a week with updates, thoughts, feelings, and whatever else I can think of. Thank you again to everyone for everything you do, I wish I could thank you all in person and by name, but perhaps another day. Well till next time my friends!

Lovingly, Ben

Getting Settled in Ohio

Written by Nikki

Getting settled in Ohio didn't go as expected.  We had a few road bumps. We arrived in Cleveland on Thursday, July 12 and went straight to the house we would be staying in.  That night we slept on air mattresses that we had brought from home.  The next day we were off to the Cleveland Clinic to meet with our transplant coordinator. The first order of business was to draw his blood and then they would officially list Benjamin on the organ donor list.  

This would be where we hit our first road block.  Benjamin's blood came back with an elevated white count.   Not only did this prevent them from listing him it also caused them to admit him into the hospital.  The doctors were afraid he had a line infection at his port o cath.  He was also severely dehydrated, I think from traveling.  So he was admitted for IV antibiotics and electrolytes to level out his blood.  

Let's just say the patients rooms we are used to at the University of Utah are much more roomy. :-)  Hopefully the rooms in the actual transplant unit have a bit more room.  We were told he would likely remain in the hospital until Wednesday.  Not what we wanted to hear, we were hoping to spend some time seeing a few of the historical sights in Kirtland before Lincoln returned home.  So instead we began the schedule of driving into the city to the Hospital every day.  

This brings us to road block number 2.  Somewhere to live.  The house we were staying in turned out to be way bigger than I anticipated and in a more urban area than I am used to.  Lets just say, I had a case of culture shock. I have lived in the same small suburb of Utah my entire life and this was so far out of my comfort zone. My cousin who was ever so kind to offer it to us as a place to stay while we got settled is also in the process of listing it to sale.  These things combined made me feel very overwhelmed. So rather than stay there until it sold, Lincoln and I decided to try to get me settled in a more suburban area before he went home.  So the hunt for the right town and place was on and we were in a time crunch.  Luckily or unluckily, however you want to look at it, I had a mini break down in front of the transplant coordinator and the case worker. But this allowed them the opportunity to discuss what we were looking for in an area, what I am used to, and were able to guide us to a few communities that might feel more like home to me.  After checking out a few places we decided on Whilloughby, Ohio located in Lake County.  It's a suburb located about 23 miles East of Cleveland.  After much apartment looking we settled on a high rise apartment located right off the freeway.  My commute to and from the hospital will be very easy. Our 2 bedroom 1 and 1/2 bath apartment is located on the second floor has a huge balcony and is very roomy and is very safe.  The blessing in this is that we were able to spend the days searching and driving around and then the afternoons with Benjamin in the hospital, but he didn't have to chase all over with us. 

Below is the house we stayed in for the first week.  If your looking to relocate to Cleveland Heights, Ohio and want a house near the city with so much cool old charm and tons of space you will love it!

The next task... Furniture.  We had ordered two new beds while we were still in Utah so they were delivered to the house in Cleveland Heights the second day we were there.  Blessing, no more air mattresses.  The downside, Lincoln and I now had to  move two beds from the house to the apartment and find a kitchen table and chairs and a couch only having my van for transportation.  It's amazing what you can fit into a minivan. :)  We had to rent a truck from Home Depot to move the queen bed, but everything else we bought we were able to fit into the van, once we figured out how to remove the two captain seats.

In our search for furniture we frequented Craigs List, a few second hand stores and even a garage sale. You will notice the folding wagon in the background.  A necessity for getting groceries into a high rise apartment building.  All these things you take for granted when living in your own home.  I had NEVER lived in an apartment before.  Lincoln and Ben had both had the opportunity to live in an apartments during their LDS missions.

Couch, Craigs List.

Table for the T.V., Second hand furniture store.

The T.V. was Benjamins,we brought from home. 

Table and Chairs, Craigs List.  From a very nice lady who happens to have a basement apartment she has never rented.  She liked us so much she offered it as a place Benjamin could rent when our lease here is up in 10 months.  We definitely kept her contact information.  It's absolutely amazing how kind people are and how willing to help. She even offered us any items from her own kitchen that we might still need. 

Thursday July 19th Benjamin was cleared of infection and his blood levels were back in range and he was officially listed on the Organ donation list.  He was finally released from the Hospital on Saturday, July 21st.  Just in time to ride with me to take Lincoln to the airport so he could fly home to Utah.  It was a sad goodbye.

Since then Benjamin and I have just been getting our bearings about us and settling into our new home.  I can safely drive myself to Costco, two different Walmarts, Target, a gas station, the hospital airport and church all without using maps.  I am sure as I explore and drive around we will find our way to all the places we need to go. 

We attend church in the Kirtland Ohio ward.  We live about l0 minutes from the church building.  We attend church in the building located right next to the Kirtland Ohio Church Historical sights.  It is a wonderful feeling to be here and attending church in the shadow of the first temple.  We can't wait to visit the sights and feel the special spirit that is Kirtland. Our first two Sundays we blended right in with the other hundred or so tourists attending church. When you arrive to church and there is a tour bus and many RV's in the parking lot you know it's going to be exciting. The tourists outnumbered the members 3-1.  The members of the ward told us this is how the meetings are for the month of July and early August.    It actually makes for very interesting and fun Sunday School and Relief Society lessons.  So many different people from so many different walks of life.   Benjamin will be attending the Singles branch located down by the hospital after I get my feet settled. 

Today Ben and I had our first outing aside from the hospital and the store.  Benjamin and I visited a Metro Park with a Castle on it.  Squires Castle is located less than 10 minutes from where we live.  It is a beautiful park and Castle.  The castle was built in 1890 by an Oil Baron and was originally intended to be the gate house.  It is on beautiful acreage covered in woods, hiking/walking trails and green grass.  Many people take advantage of these metro parks located all throughout the area.  The best way I can describe them is as mini state parks.  

 

Tomorrow it's back to the Cleveland Clinic for some follow up blood work.  For now we find ways to stay engaged while we wait for the right donor.  We know Heavenly Father has a plan, and we wait in faith for his timing.